"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love having hate sex.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
