This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
