I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
