Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
