i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
