We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
