Plan B is the new Plan A
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
