In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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