they need to just BURY HIM!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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