is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
