Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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