friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
