Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
