Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
