you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
