I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
