Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
