im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I looked at my own cervix.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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