The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
