yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
