mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
