Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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