Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
