Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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