He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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