we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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