D3 body, D1 cock
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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