did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
