She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
