Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
