Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
