i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
