I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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