Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
