Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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