He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
