There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
