I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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