I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
