Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
