sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
