How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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