Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
