Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
