***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
