I met the friendliest cop last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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