I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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