I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
