yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
