just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
