Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
