Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I believe in your delicious
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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