I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
