i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
