it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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