jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
