Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
