So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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