I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
