my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
