weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
