I'm laying in your front yard are you home
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
