apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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