what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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