Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
