I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
