so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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