I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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