So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize