Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.