We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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