DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.