false alarm. still invincible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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