Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you need anything just hit me up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.