I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.