I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
