do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
