honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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