i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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