After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
